How to Kill the Kingdom Heart's Cast in 6 Minutes
by Snugglepants
Summary: The extremely long title aside, randomness lurks inside. But the title sums it all up, hence the length. Not gory-ish. Just darkish-humor. R&R or no cookie for you!


**_HOW TO KILL THE KH CAST_**

**_IN 6 MINUTES_**

* * *

**6:00**

Roxas was walking along an empty street on the east side of Destiny Islands. He stared down at the blacktop, in the middle of the road. He could see the stream rising off the pavement. It was the middle of the day, when the sun was at its peak. Sweat rolled down the back of his neck.

**5:28**

Namine first appeared as a white speck at the end of the street. She sauntered up to Roxas and blushed a bright pink. She stood up on tiptoe and kissed him hesitantly. Roxas froze up, stiff as a board, and keeled over backward. He hit the pavement hard and was struck on the temple by the solid rock.

**5:05**

Roxas died with a look of pleasant shock. Namine cried and ran away to hug her teddy bear and draw emo-ish death portraits. She fled with her eyes closed. Halfway down the street, she ran into a tree on the edge of the sidewalk.

**4:43**

Namine saw pretty lights and shades that she would have loved for colored pencils. Had she survived. Namine died from splinters and angry squirrels attacking her with acorns. She passed through to a white light, ironically. It was her all-time favorite color.

**4:35**

Axel heard two dull "thumps" and came running down the street. He felt his heart (Hey, work with me here!) stop from the SHEER HORROR! At the _precise _moment that Selphie, Wakka, Tidus, Pence, Olette, Hayner, Yuffie, Cloud, Leon, Tifa, and Sephiroth were laughing (although Sephiroth was plotting) and rounding the corner, Axel exploded into a big, fiery ball of flame that shamed the sun.

It's obvious he was upset.

**3:57**

All the unimportant little people were burned to a crisp. In fact, I only put them in there to keep the story going. So don't feel too bad. Axel burned himself out, accompanied by the "Ooooo's" and "Ahhhhh's" chorused by the spectators. It was the last thing they, or in fact, the puppy down the street, would ever hear.

"NUUUUUU! ROXIE!" was to be heard before Axel was nothing but a charred heap of ash on the ground. And even that would be picked up by the street cleaners the next day.

**3:22**

Who else should come down the street but Riku and Kairi? Riku went mad at the sight of the mangled bodies (those that weren't teeny piles of soot), and repeatedly stabbed Kairi and himself with his nifty heart-opener-up thingy. They dropped dead immediately, because I can't think of anything else to write. Sorry guys!

**3:00**

In the brick alleyway nearby, there enacted a gang fight between Organization XIII (such a boring gangsta name) and the Mickey Mouse Crew (Wait. These guys are a _gang?_) to the tune of "The Ultimate Showdown". There were no survivors, although there were reports of Moogle arsonists seen leaving the area.

**2:10**

Sora skipped happily back to the street where his friends were waiting for him. Such a cheerful little guy.

What he met instead was a crime scene straight from CSI. Sora's eye twitched, and a bead of sweat trickled down the bridge of his nose. His eyes shifted from body to body, his mouth was agape.

**:54**

A scrap of paper, tumbling down the street. It read:

We are innocent.

- MMM

(Mass Moogle Militia)

**:36**

Small shadows lurking behind every tree.

**:17**

A red ball, ownerless and bouncing out of the alley.

Things didn't add up!

**:01**

"I'm back with the ice cream, gu –!" The peppy yell died in his throat. The popsicles in his hand began to melt ominously.

…Sora bashed himself with a popsicle stick (clever, Sora) as he had a cardiac failure (a heart failure, for you uneducated fools) as aliens abducted him as cops arriving on the scene tazered him as I came walking down the street.

Somewhere in the distance, a Moogle laughed. All in the period of one second.

**:00**

…So go away already!

* * *

Ther ya have it, folks! and they all coughcough lived happily ever after!

I see all sorts of people writing these all the time, so...mine really isn't that special. I got inspired for this one from a "How to Kill the Furuba Cast"...only this one is less gory...ish. Goryish? Is that a word? O.o

Only review if you like (cookies) dark humor, (cookies) me, and (cookies) that special button!

Just kidding; all-around reviews are wonderful! Yum-yum reviews!


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